Thursday, January 06, 2005

Bittersweet Moments

Well, an out of date website (blog or otherwise) tends to be an un-interesting website. So, with that in mind, I'll torture you with one of those totally personal entries that not even your family members will want to read.
Finding out we were pregnant again was my bittersweet moment. We have a daughter already, and she is, of course, the light of my life. She brings joy into our household daily, and makes me curse the necessity of going to work, and not seeing her grow up. But then, anybody with children knows what I'm talking about already. However, finding out that another child is on the way made us stop and think. First we wondered if it was too soon. After all, our first daughter will only be 18 months when this baby is born. Family tended to heavily voice their opinion that it was too soon. However, friends were on both sides of the issue, with some advising to have all our children as close together as possible. This, however, is obviously a moot point because the baby is already on the way. (Train ... left ... station ... blah, you get the point!) No, my main cause for concern was money. When our daughter was born,we were both working crap jobs. (For the same company, no less.) And, because of timing and minor pregnancy complications, we had to pay the deductible twice. Or, more accurately, we are still trying to pay off those bills. Shortly after finding out we were pregnant the first time, we were told by a nurse, who helped people fill out government paperwork, that we made too much to qualify for any government assistance, so we never applied. Later, we found out that we would in fact have been eligible for Medicaid, and it would have paid it all, but by then it was too late. As things stand now, we've moved more than 5 times in the last two years. I now have my first good job. My wife has a crappy job, and is actively looking for a better one, with no luck. We now know we make too much for any government assistance, as we just went rounds with a caseworker about this. (If things keep up, there may be a rant coming up about the incompetence we have dealt with there!) So, right now, ends are meeting, barely. We both get paid weekly, and most weeks we have less than $5 in the bank on Friday, before we deposit our paychecks. We make enough to get by, on paper. However, neither of us have any experience at truly budgeting, or living on one. So, now that we have another baby coming up, I need to get insurance coverage for my family through my job. (Didn't have it before because we were on Medicaid through this month, residual from the period we weren't working. We don't want to be taking tax money to live, it's actually rather embarrassing to my pride, however, at the time it was the only way to put food on the table.) So, that's about $300 per month out of my check, plus a $2000 deductible come delivery time. Just the monthly premium will stop the ends from meeting, and I have no idea where the deductible will be coming from. In addition to that, my wife's job has begun cutting back her hours, and will probably keep whittling away at them. And, as you can see from that bank balance I quoted, we need every penny she was making to begin with. So, we are looking at scenarios. She doesn't know it yet, but I'm toying with the idea of a part-time second job. Maybe at a small computer shop, or the local cyber cafe thingy. (Hey, I'm a nerd, it's what I know best.) We are talking about dropping cable, cell phones, and yes, blasphemy, internet access. We don't see many movies these days anyway, because our daughter won't sit through them. And television sucks all our time away without giving anything back. So, that's the bitter in my bittersweet. But, I don't think I'd change it if I could. I've found life throws difficult things your way, but that in the end, if you respond properly, good things can, and will, come out of it. That's how I met my wife. But, that's another long boring (for you) entry.